I want to say a few unspoken words here… Something that some of you moms (or maybe all of you moms) out there are thinking, but you and I both know it is too taboo to say out loud. But today, I am just gonna say it for you, I just need to break the silence for the sake of your sanity.
You’re tired. You’re overwhelmed by the mess, and the chaos, and the whining. You are all out of meal ideas and wish someone would just tell you what they want you to cook once in awhile. Your hair’s a mess, your skin is dry, your legs aren’t shaved, the idea of sexy walked out the door with your sanity too long ago to remember. If you have to wipe one more butt or answer one more “how many more bites until I can have candy?” you are gonna scream!!! You are at your wit’s end and just can’t understand why in the heck kids don’t play outside anymore so you can have a few minutes of peace.
Is that you?
It was me. Yeah, I said it. I am not scared to admit that there have been times that this whole motherhood gig annoyed(for lack of a better word) the fire out me. And I know I am not alone.
But honestly, I hated that truth. I never pictured me as the mom who had kids that drove her nuts or wasn’t in love with homemaking. I always knew that I was going to be the mom and wife and homemaker that we all saw and loved on the TV. But I wasn’t at all.
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I had to fix it, I did not want to be that cranky mom who snapped at her kids, for being kids. Or that bitter wife who was secretly jealous that her husband got to leave the house every day while I was stuck at home pulling my hair out (or getting my hair pulled out while being a jungle gym).
It was time I found the root of the problem. What was making me so dang irritable and unhappy?
I thought about my life before children. I thought about my life before dinners and sleepless nights. How had my life changed? Obviously, the majority of the changes were great ones. Despite my bitterness, I love my children, and my husband, and the role I played in my house.
But gosh dang. I was tired. That was change number one. I never got to sleep through the night anymore. I never had time for myself. That was change number two. Gone were the hobbies that I once loved. The only purpose that I felt I had was to wipe butts. That was change number three, my purpose lacked passion. I didn’t know why I was doing all of this, yeah I am a mom, it’s kinda my moral duty to take care of the little people I created…but I had no sense of direction. That was change number four. And change number five, I had no goals. I had forgotten to set them when I forgot to shave my legs months ago, and they have been gone since then.
No time for yourself.
No purpose. No passion.
No reason why.
What about now…does that sound like you? It’s ok..No one is shaming you here. Mama, you ain’t alone. But I want to help you. Let me share with you what I did to get out of that rut that you are embarrassed to be in. Let me help you get back to that mama you really are.
First off, off you need to take care of yourself.
Self Care 101
- Get enough sleep. Go to bed earlier. Wake up later. If your baby doesn’t sleep through the night, quit trying to wake up before the sun. Sleep is essential to your health. Like really it is, and you cannot afford to skip out on adequate rest. I used to try to get up with my husband, but gone are those days. I wake up when my baby wakes up and we are all happier for it. Do whatever you have to do create a better sleep environment for yourself. Get you some room darkening curtains, or one those eye covers that you used to try to wear to be cool when you were a kid. If you have an older child that wakes you up at all hours of the night (my 5-year-old wakes up randomly in the middle of the night and she would come into my room just to tell me she loved me or to ask for the TV to be turned on) put a stop to that IMMEDIATELY. We now have a rule in our house that she isn’t allowed out of her bed (except to go to the bathroom) until me or her dad says she can. Sleep is that important to me now.
- Eat. This may sound silly, but how many times have you forgotten to grab breakfast because you’re running late. Overnight oats are a lifesaver in the mornings, grab you a case of mason jars and make you a batch on Sunday night and you are set for the week. Often find yourself skipping out on lunch? Gosh, me too (still working on this) I am the worst about just snacking on junk all day and considering that a meal… Lately, I have been doubling the lunches I make for my husband. Just because I am not leaving the house doesn’t mean I don’t deserve an adequate lunch, and let’s be honest if it doesn’t get made the night before, I am just gonna eat chips all day. Don’t make lunches for your hubs or kids? Make a little extra for supper, and have leftovers the next day!
- Get ready. Brush your hair. Get Dressed. SHOWER. Take care of your skin. Paint your nails. Make yourself feel pretty. If you look like a hot mess on the outside, you’re gonna feel like a hot mess on the inside. Make time to take care of yourself physically. Look better, feel better.
- Go outside and get some fresh air. Even if just for 20 minutes let your lungs breathe something that isn’t contaminated by the lovely scents of motherhood.
- Practice gratitude. The majority of what I have told you has related to physical self-care, but mental self-care is equally as important and by starting your day with a quick reminder of what you are thankful for, your day will begin with positivity.
Secondly, you need to make time for yourself.
Time Management 101
- You know routines are all the rage lately, and rightfully so. In order to ensure time for yourself you are gonna have to make it. And to make it, you’re gonna need a routine that it fits into. Start your day with a morning routine, no matter how basic. My mornings are the exact same every day. We wake up, I change my son’s diaper, I deliver him to the playroom where his sister is for some morning quiet time for ME (every mom needs some morning quiet time, it is essential and life-changing, start your days with peace and positivity). I then come back into my room make my bed, brush my teeth, start a load of laundry, spend a little bit of time on the computer, plan out my day, and then head to the kitchen for breakfast. Other routines that rock, cleaning routines, stop trying to clean without one, you are just spinning in circles, and won’t ever get anywhere. Meal plans. No more scrambling for supper at 5:30, plan it on Sunday and write it down. DO NOT change it. Creating basic routines like this saves you from wasting time. When time is not wasted, you have more of it for what matters.
- Schedule alone time. Rather it is in the morning like mine, or in the evening when your spouse is home, or in the afternoon when the kids are napping. Use this time for rest and relaxation. Not work, or chores. Read a book, rest your eyes, exercise, enjoy the silence. I can not stress to you enough how IMPORTANT it is for you to have a little bit of scheduled time to yourself every day. You need it to reset, to step back and breath, we moms just go go go, if you are at work you get a break right? Well, mommin’ is a job, so take the break that you worked for.
Up next. You need some purpose and some passion.
Purpose and Passion 101
- Find a hobby. I wrote a post that lists out 50 hobbies that you can do all on your own! Check it out if you don’t know where to start. I never used to have real hobbies. But actually finding things that I can do that I didn’t totally suck at, was a HUGE confidence booster for me. I love being able to do something that ONLY benefits me. On those days where I just feel blah, I can just grab a paintbrush or some arrows and do something that I love. They are the perfect way to reset your mind when you need a break from reality. Having hobbies can really create passion in your life that doesn’t revolve around your day to day. It is so so so important for you to have an identity other than mom.
- Purpose and passion can go hand in hand. If you have started a hobby collecting food for the homeless, it has turned into your passion and you feel as if it is your purpose then GOOD FOR YOU! But sometimes your purpose can be different from your passion. And that is okay too. My passions are painting, and archery, and designing. I love to do those things, but they aren’t my purpose. However, I also have a passion for happiness and I think my purpose is to create happiness in others. I lived an unhappy life for a very long time (even before I was a mother) and have learned so many ways to ensure and instill happiness into my life and I want to share that with anyone and everyone who needs to hear it (especially moms). Find something that sings to your soul and live for it.
Number four. You need to know your why.
Knowing Your Why 101
This section is short and sweet. And doesn’t need bullet points because it is something that you have to learn all on your own. You NEED to know your why. Why do you do all that you do? Yeah, like I said earlier it is your moral duty, but WHY? Why do you get up every morning and continue to do what you do? What is the reason deep down in your heart that makes you believe and know that this is all worth it? Don’t look at the first layer of this, it isn’t because you are a mom. Don’t even look at the second layer, it isn’t because you love them and it is your job. Look deeper than that and that is where you will find your why. Find it. And write it down. Store in it a safe place, and remind yourself of it every day.
Last up. You need GOALS.
Goal Setting 101
- First, you need goals. Realistic ones. Enough with the exercise, eating healthier goals that no one ever achieves. You need to set ones that you will want to achieve. And you need a variety of them. Daily goals. Weekly goals. Monthly goals. Yearly goals. Having goals to reach at a variety of times (even they are working towards the same larger goal) gives you a continued feeling of satisfaction and doesn’t leave the sour taste of disappointment in your mouth that so often comes with goal setting. I honestly think that the main reason goals don’t get accomplished is because we set goals that we know are out of reach, or that we won’t actually work towards. You have to set your goals knowing what your mindset is, and if you aren’t willing to change your mindset to reach the goal then you don’t need to set it. Once you start achieving goals and you begin to feel the satisfaction that goes with reaching them, your mindset will start to change on its own and you will be more willing to work towards the ones that you know you want to do, but were never willing to actually work towards before.
- You need a plan to go with those goals. And that plan needs to be just as realistic and achievable. Do not say you are going to do blank for 30 minutes a day when you know you only have an extra 10 minutes to do it.
- You need to write them down. And you need to be accountable for them. Tell someone, hang it up on your wall, make it the screen saver on your find. Let the world know that you are working towards something so you don’t forget. Accountability can be the key to your success.
Making these simple changes in my life has made me a happier, calmer, more confident mama and just as important WOMAN. I even wrote a whole E-Book on this stuff because I believe in the changes I have seen in my life that much. You should totally check it out.
We came home late on Saturday evening. Woke up to a very messy house, with very sleepy kids, and a million things to do. Old me would have been a grouchy irritable mess, but new me took the day for what it was and accepted it. Instead of rushing and scrambling to make everything perfect, I went and set in the woods and did something that I loved(bowhunting) and left the mess for another day. Everything doesn’t have to be perfect all the time, you don’t have to fix and control everything, and believe it or not your husband is perfectly capable of watching the children by himself once in a while. A happier life starts with a happier you!!!
TAKE THE CHALLENGE!! 5 days to a happier and see where these little changes can get you!